2010 in Film

april 3rd, 2010 at 8:59 pm

I just sat through the trailer for Marmaduke featuring Owen Wilson as a talking dog. Really, the last 15 seconds or so are the worst part.

So Many Sequels

I was going to make a list of all the movies I thought would be terrible this year, but I couldn't find any truly bad movies that weren't remakes, sequels, or adaptations. Instead, here are some lists of all the movies coming out this year that are as unoriginal as Marmaduke:

Remakes

Where the films have the same name, I linked to the original since it's probably the one worth seeing.

The Wolfman (1941)
The Crazies (1973)
Alice in Wonderland (1976 is the best) - I HATE 3-D! If I could have seen this movie in 2-D I might have enjoyed it.
Clash of the Titans (1981)
Death at a Funeral (2007) - This movie was actually good. I can't wait to see how this shot-for-shot remake destroys it.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
The Karate Kid (1984)
The Sorcerer's Apprentice (1941) - They're calling it a "live action re-imagining". I call it bullshit.
Dinner for Schmucks (2010) - based on Le Dîner de Cons, an awesome French film.
Let Me In (2010) - Based on Låt den rätte komma in, a movie about a Swedish vampire. It's as awesome as it sounds.
Red Dawn (1984)

Still no Citizen Kane remake. I wish someone would.

Sequels

Why Did I Get Married Too? - sequel to Why Did I Get Married? (2007)
Twilight: Eclipse - sequel to Twilight: New Moon (2009)
Toy Story 3 - sequel to Toy Story 2 (1999)
Iron Man 2 - sequel to Iron Man (2008)
Shrek Forever After - sequel to Shrek the Third (2007)
Sex and the City 2 - sequel to Sex and the City (2008)
Predators - sequel to Predator (1987)
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore - sequel to Cats & Dogs (2001)
Step Up 3-D - sequel to Step Up 2: The Streets (2008)
Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang - sequel to Nanny McPhee (2005)
Resident Evil: Afterlife - sequel to Resident Evil: Extinction (2007) - I'm almost looking forward to this one. Almost.
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps - sequel to Wall Street (1987)
Paranormal Activity 2 - sequel to Paranormal Activity (2009)
Saw VII - sequel to Saw VI (2009)
Tron: Legacy - sequel to Tron (1982)

I'm waiting for Garfield 3.

Film Adaptations of Books, Comic Books, TV Shows, etc

Novels

Youth in Revolt - based on Youth in Revolt (1993)
Dear John - based on Dear John (2006)
Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief - based on The Lightning Thief (2005)
Shutter Island - based on Shutter Island (2003)
The Ghost Writer - based on The Ghost Writer (1979)
Diary of a Wimpy Kid - based on Diary of a Wimpy Kid (2007) - this is only the first book in the series…
How to Train Your Dragon - based on How to Train Your Dragon (2003)
The Last Song - based on The Last Song (2009) - this is great: the book was written specifically for the film adaptation. Why do authors do this?
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time - based on the videogame, which is like a novel, I guess
Ramona and Beezus - based on Beezus and Ramona (1955)
The Adjustment Bureau - based on Adjustment Team (1954) - I hope this is good; I <3 Philip K. Dick
Beastly - based on Beastly (2007)
Eat, Pray, Love - based on Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia (2006)
The Town - based on Prince of Thieves (2007)
Flipped - based on Flipped (2001)
The Eagle of the Ninth - based on The Eagle of the Ninth (1954)
Legend of the Guardians - based on Guardians of Ga'Hoole (2003)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I - based on Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (2007)
Love and Other Drugs - based on Hard Sell: The Evolution of a Viagra Salesman (2005)
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader - based on The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (1950)
Gulliver's Travels - based on Gulliver's Travels (1726) - Film versions were also made in 1902, 1935, 1939, 1960, and 2005, but none of those had Jack Black in them.
True Grit - based on True Grit (1968) - This one has also already been filmed - in 1969.

Comic Books

The Losers - based on The Losers series (2003 - 2006)
Jonah Hex - based on Jonah Hex (1972)
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World - based on Scott Pilgrim (2004)
Red - based on Red (2003)

You know what book I'd like to see as a movie? A Confederacy of Dunces. It's actually a really funny book; you should read it if you haven't.

TV Series

Edge of Darkness - 1985 BBC Series
MacGruber - 2007 SNL Sketch based on ABC's 1985 TV series MacGyver
The A-Team - 1983 NBC Series
The Last Airbender - 2005 Nickelodeon Series
Jackass 3D - 2000 MTV Series
Yogi Bear - 1961 Syndicated Cartoon
The Green Hornet - 1936 WXYZ Radio Serial/1966 ABC Series

I WANT MY ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT MOVIE!!! Actually, they're thinking it might come out in 2011. EXCITED!

It's Not All Bad News

Yeah, so… nothing to look forward to this year, right? Actually, while I was writing this, I stumbled across a few movies that look like they might be worth watching this year. Here they are in chronological order:

Splice - June 4, 2010

The premise of this one sounds pretty promising: scientists splicing human and animal DNA somehow create a deadly winged chimera. I'm probably going to at least torrent this one, but I might not pay to see it in a theater since it could end up like Repo Men; great premise, terrible execution.

Dinner for Schmucks - July 23, 2010

I watched Le Dîner de cons, the French original, and really enjoyed it, so I hope this remake is as good. It's looking up because some of my favorite actors are in this one: Steve Carell, Zach Galifianakis, Jemaine Clement (from Flight of the Conchords), and David Walliams (Little Britain). Not only that, but it's directed by Jay Roach, who also did Meet the Parents and the Austin Powers series, and those don't suck. I'm'a go see it.

The Adjustment Bureau - July 30, 2010

Two things: Matt Damon and Philip K. Dick. That should be sufficient to make this film watchable at least. The premise of Adjustment Team, the short story on which this is based, sounds a lot like The Matrix sans Keanu Reeves, so I'm looking forward to this one as well. I'll probably torrent this one too so I don't end up wasting $8 in the event that this one ends up like Next, although I blame Nick Cage for that mess.

That's it. From the list of movies with definite release dates, those are the three that jumped out at me. With films like Twilight: Eclipse, Sex and the City 2, Saw VII, Gulliver's Travels (with Jack Black), MacGruber, and Jackass 3D to look forward to, I don't anticipate spending much time at the movie theater at all this year. Especially not after having to be subjected to the Twilight Table of Fail at BN everytime I walk through the store. Oh, that reminds me, Wikipedia has list of years in film articles going out a few years, so here are some highlights from the future.

2011

2012

Madagascar 3 - Apparently they go to Europe this time. Great.
Untitled Spider-Man Reboot
X-Men Origins: Wolverine 2 - The first one was so bad, especially without special effects.
Yellow Submarine - They are really running out of ideas